
Do you struggle with the question of when to use who and when to use whom in a sentence? Even seasoned editors find themselves in this conundrum from time to time and need to look things up. (See #9 in my post on copyediting and proofreading skills.)
The solution is not to have some magical instinct for grammar, though. Perhaps the confusion stems from a simple misunderstanding of how these two pesky little pronouns function in a sentence.
Subject Pronouns: I, He, She, They
Let’s start by tackling simpler terms first, like I, he, she, and they. I, he, she, and they are subject pronouns. That means that I, he, she, and they are the ones performing the action in a sentence. They are the subject that does the thing. For example, who went to the cinema in the following sentence?
They went to the cinema to see the new Black Widow movie.
Answer: They went to the cinema. You could put I, He, or She in the same sentence just as easily, and the sentence would be grammatical.
Object Pronouns: Me, Him, Her, Them
And what about me, him, her, and them? These are object pronouns; object pronouns do not perform the action in a sentence but have an action performed to or on them. For example:
The new Black Widow movie gave them nightmares.
In this sentence, you could substitute me, him, or her for them and still get a grammatical sentence. Remember the subject pronouns above? Try putting I, he, she, or they in that sentence, and you’ll end up with something quite ungrammatical:
- The new Black Widow movie gave I nightmares.
- The new Black Widow movie gave he nightmares.
- The new Black Widow movie gave she nightmares.
- The new Black Widow movie gave they nightmares.
Compound Pronouns: Me and Him, etc.

Now what about when we are using two pronouns together? What do you think of this sentence:
She and I went to see Black Widow.
What’s the subject? In this case, the subject is two subject pronouns together: She and I. Here’s when some people get confused because they are not sure which pronoun to use.
If you are one of these people, just make the subject singular for a moment. If you remove “She and,” is “I went to see Black Widow” grammatical? … Yep!
What about this sentence:
The new Black Widow movie gave Lucy and me nightmares.
Here we’re using a name, Lucy, plus the object pronoun me that we talked about earlier.
And here’s when even more people get tripped up because they may have learned in school that the pronoun I should go after, never before, someone’s name. That lesson applies only to the subject of a sentence, though, which I talked about in my LinkedIn article “Polite (Mis)Grammar” a while back.
You can see what I mean by using the technique I just introduced: Remove “Lucy,” and you would get “The new Black Widow movie gave me nightmares.”
You can get some more examples of this phenomenon in my more recent LinkedIn article “Her and I?”
Subject Versus Object: Who Versus Whom
So how does whom come into play? Well, who is a subject pronoun just like I, he, she, and they. What does that make whom then? Well, whom is an object pronoun, just like me, him, her, and them!
(Tip: Most of these object pronouns have the letter m in them, so you can remember that whom is an object pronoun that way.)
For example, in the following sentence, the subject pronoun, who, is used correctly:
Who went to the movies to see Black Widow?
And this sentence uses the object pronoun, whom, correctly:
The Black Widow movie gave whom nightmares?
So, if you continue to struggle with which goes where (that is, who versus whom), equate them with their subject and object counterparts. Can you put I, he, she, and they in the place of who or whom? Can you put me, him, her, and them in the place of who or whom?
See some examples below. The first example is correct, with its incorrect counterpart immediately following.
Question Using Who:
Who went to the movies to see Black Widow?
Potential Answers
“I went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Me went to the movies to see Black Widow.”
“He went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Him went to the movies to see Black Widow.”
“She went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Her went to the movies to see Black Widow.”
“They went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Them went to the movies to see Black Widow.”
Question Using Whom:
The Black Widow movie gave whom nightmares?
Potential Answers
“The Black Widow movie gave me nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave I nightmares.”
“The Black Widow movie gave him nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave he nightmares.”
“The Black Widow movie gave her nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave she nightmares.”
“The Black Widow movie gave them nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave they nightmares.”
There you have it. You should now understand more clearly when to use who and when to use whom. If you’d like to learn some more grammar skills, check out my self-paced course “Editing Skills for Clear Writing” on Udemy and LearnDesk.