Freelance Amy

Speak Up: The Power of Language

2021-09-29

A woman attempts to speak up using a megaphone — *Speak up!*
Photo by **Andrea Piacquadio** from **Pexels**

I’ve always had a quiet voice. I don’t naturally speak loudly and have to make a conscious effort to speak up.

As a kid making a presentation or asking a question in class, I had to contend with other students in the room being encouraged by the teacher to ask me to “speak up.” However, the teacher did not always instruct my classmates to make the request politely or respectfully.

I wouldn’t have gotten more than two words out when a booming voice of one my peers would interrupt me to demand that I “SPEAK UP!” It was as if they were accusing me of deliberately forcing them to yell at me.

Language is complicated.

A simple juxtaposition like that made up of “speak” and “up” can carry important meaning to the receiver. What other two-word phrases carry such power? Shut up, catch up, get up, keep up. (I’m cherry picking here and deliberately selecting phrases with “up” in them for artistic license.)

The point is that these can come off as rudely demanding phrases even when they are meant to help. “Shut up” is obviously quite rude, but in the appropriate context, the rest of them can be off-putting as well.

On the other hand, I don’t advocate for tiptoeing around the language and living in fear that someone will cancel me if I use a common expression. If I unintentionally upset someone, I should be able to simply apologize — with sincerity, of course—and have that be it.

Language is loud?

As an adult, more things roll off my back and especially as a middle-aged adult. I’m not as bothered by little things anymore, but I still hesitate to make requests that require me to speak up beyond my general level of comfort.

These days I usually find some roundabout way to get someone’s attention. If I can make eye contact, I wait until the other person is within a decent proximity before speaking as loudly while still politely as I can. I usually have to repeat myself.

A man has to speak up when giving an order at a busy lunch counter. — *I like the convenience of lunch counters—no need to flag anyone down.*
Photo by **Elina Sazonova** from **Pexels**

Now that I think about it, I can’t remember the last time anyone actually said “speak up” to me. Have I successfully avoided such a scenario, or are people just more polite? Or is it just kids that are cruel?

Language is communicative.

I recently had a conversation with my neighbor who has no problem speaking up, whether grabbing my attention across the driveway or raising important issues at the monthly HOA meetings.

Speaking of HOA meetings, she has been trying to get me to go to those again. I went once and did not relish the experience of sitting in a hot packed room with a mask on (because pandemic) while trying to pay attention to the echoing voices because the community conference room has terrible acoustics.

An analog clock on a concrete wall — *Tick tock, tick tock.*
Photo by **Shawn Stutzman** from **Pexels**

It’s not hard to speak up there, but it’s hard to comprehend or feign interest in a three-hour meeting about proper tree irrigation and door colors. Yeah, you read that right … three hours!

Anyway, I’d been avoiding talking to her about these meetings, but that day I gathered my courage and managed to speak up about how I didn’t particularly care for the meetings and didn’t see much point. We exchanged arguments politely and went on our merry ways.

Not once did she ask me to speak up. I am thinking about giving the meetings one more chance, though.

Language is powerful!

Speaking up can also be hard when you’re not used to the sound of your own voice. I read recently that our voices sound much richer to ourselves and so that’s why we’re so disappointed when we hear our voices on recordings. It’s just never as good as we think it is.

I have published a couple online courses and am working on a third to hopefully launch in November. It was hard for me to edit the audio of these courses at first. The sound of my own voice was grating. I thought I sounded like a little kid, and it brought back some of those anxious memories.

However, after launching the second course, a freelancing colleague commented that I had a pleasant and clear voice that was easy to listen to. I then played one of the lessons back and heard myself in a new light, er, soundwave.

I guess the power of language can only be acknowledged when one appropriately speaks up.

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Subjects Versus Objects: Who Versus Whom

2021-09-01

Head shot of a screech owl with wide open orange eyes — Photo by dgfhfgh ghdgfhg from FreeImages

Do you struggle with the question of when to use who and when to use whom in a sentence? Even seasoned editors find themselves in this conundrum from time to time and need to look things up. (See #9 in my post on copyediting and proofreading skills.)

The solution is not to have some magical instinct for grammar, though. Perhaps the confusion stems from a simple misunderstanding of how these two pesky little pronouns function in a sentence.

Subject Pronouns: I, He, She, They

Let’s start by tackling simpler terms first, like I, he, she, and they. I, he, she, and they are subject pronouns. That means that I, he, she, and they are the ones performing the action in a sentence. They are the subject that does the thing. For example, who went to the cinema in the following sentence?

They went to the cinema to see the new Black Widow movie.

Answer: They went to the cinema. You could put I, He, or She in the same sentence just as easily, and the sentence would be grammatical.

Object Pronouns: Me, Him, Her, Them

And what about me, him, her, and them? These are object pronouns; object pronouns do not perform the action in a sentence but have an action performed to or on them. For example:

The new Black Widow movie gave them nightmares.

In this sentence, you could substitute me, him, or her for them and still get a grammatical sentence. Remember the subject pronouns above? Try putting I, he, she, or they in that sentence, and you’ll end up with something quite ungrammatical:

The new Black Widow movie gave I nightmares.
The new Black Widow movie gave he nightmares.
The new Black Widow movie gave she nightmares.
The new Black Widow movie gave they nightmares.

Compound Pronouns: Me and Him, etc.

Two small owls sit next to each other on a tree branch. — Photo by **Rajukhan Pathan** from **Pex e ls**

Now what about when we are using two pronouns together? What do you think of this sentence:

She and I went to see Black Widow.

What’s the subject? In this case, the subject is two subject pronouns together: She and I. Here’s when some people get confused because they are not sure which pronoun to use.

If you are one of these people, just make the subject singular for a moment. If you remove “She and,” is “I went to see Black Widow” grammatical? … Yep!

What about this sentence:

The new Black Widow movie gave Lucy and me nightmares.

Here we’re using a name, Lucy, plus the object pronoun me that we talked about earlier.

And here’s when even more people get tripped up because they may have learned in school that the pronoun I should go after, never before, someone’s name. That lesson applies only to the subject of a sentence, though, which I talked about in my LinkedIn article “Polite (Mis)Grammar” a while back.

You can see what I mean by using the technique I just introduced: Remove “Lucy,” and you would get “The new Black Widow movie gave me nightmares.”

You can get some more examples of this phenomenon in my more recent LinkedIn article “Her and I?”

Subject Versus Object: Who Versus Whom

Head shot of an owl with a white background reflected — Photo by **AaDil** from **P e xels**

So how does whom come into play? Well, who is a subject pronoun just like I, he, she, and they. What does that make whom then? Well, whom is an object pronoun, just like me, him, her, and them!

(Tip: Most of these object pronouns have the letter m in them, so you can remember that whom is an object pronoun that way.)

For example, in the following sentence, the subject pronoun, who, is used correctly:

Who went to the movies to see Black Widow?

And this sentence uses the object pronoun, whom, correctly:

The Black Widow movie gave whom nightmares?

So, if you continue to struggle with which goes where (that is, who versus whom), equate them with their subject and object counterparts. Can you put I, he, she, and they in the place of who or whom? Can you put me, him, her, and them in the place of who or whom?

See some examples below. The first example is correct, with its incorrect counterpart immediately following.

**Question Using Who:**

Who went to the movies to see Black Widow?

Potential Answers

“I went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Me went to the movies to see Black Widow.”

“He went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Him went to the movies to see Black Widow.”

“She went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Her went to the movies to see Black Widow.”

“They went to the movies to see Black Widow.” versus “Them went to the movies to see Black Widow.”

**Question Using Whom:**

The Black Widow movie gave whom nightmares?

Potential Answers

“The Black Widow movie gave me nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave I nightmares.”

“The Black Widow movie gave him nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave he nightmares.”

“The Black Widow movie gave her nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave she nightmares.”

“The Black Widow movie gave them nightmares.” versus “The Black Widow movie gave they nightmares.”

There you have it. You should now understand more clearly when to use who and when to use whom. If you’d like to learn some more grammar skills, check out my self-paced course “Editing Skills for Clear Writing” on Udemy and LearnDesk.

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The Right View: A Freelancer (Re)discovers Buddhism

2021-07-07

A statue of the Buddha demonstrates the right view as it overlooks a large coy pond. — Image by Silentpilot from Pixabay

I’ve rediscovered Western Buddhism and subsequently the concept of “the right view” (I’ll explain that shortly). By “rediscover,” I mean that I read a book about it once. I then nodded my head at some fascinating concepts, set it aside for several years to go on with my life as it was, and finally circled back to it along with related resources.

I’ve always been drawn to the notion of a religion that didn’t have to be a religion. Although it can be treated as deeply spiritual, Buddhism has multiple schools of thought. That means the basic philosophy actually encourages each individual’s own interpretation.

Note of warning: This post is a bit of a departure from my usual ones. It has less structure than my regular writings because I’m still learning where to take these thoughts. Thanks in advance for bearing with me on my little journey …

Budding Buddhist

So I’ve begun to really take this life view, this right view, more seriously in my search for peace and purpose. Actually, I began with the goal of finding a way to manage my anxiety.

In my research, I’ve been most fascinated so far with the concept of “right view.” And that’s the first step on that famous eightfold path you may have heard about.

The right view means that you see things as they truly are—as far as I’ve learned in my limited initial studies anyway, which include:

joining the Secular Buddhism Facebook group and listening to the related podcasts by Noah Rasheta;
rereading that first book Buddhism: Plain and Simple; and
examining Robert Wright’s engaging and provocatively titled Why Buddhism Is True.

But having the right view doesn’t mean that you can tell that your neighbor is lying about the dog poo on your yard. Neither can you tell that my makeup is just a mask to cover up my puffy eyes. It means that you shed the delusions that were imposed by society, your own fears and judgments, and even natural selection.

Natural Selection

This last, natural selection, fascinates me the most because I am drawn to the science of it all. I mean you could argue the other two are also scientific if you look at the right view from a sociological and psychological standpoint. And I’m not going to say I’m not curious about that as well.

In fact, the field of evolutionary psychology likely tackles all of that. I don’t know. That’s next on my reading list.

Anyway, to get back to these delusions, natural selection comes into play when we worry about what others think of us and become obsessed when we fear we’ve said the wrong thing in a brief exchange at a friend’s barbecue.

(I mean, there’s more to it than that, but I need to focus on something or I’ll end up going off on a confusing tangent.)

Back in hunter-gatherer days, as Robert Wright describes, you would likely see the potential offendee 20 minutes later and would resolve the issue that quickly. This was a useful fear in those times because it kept the peace in a fragile community.

But in modern times, you may never see that person again. And fearing others’ judgments can literally be detrimental to your health and well-being.

If you constantly think that others are upset with you or even hate you, you can end up depressed, unable to work, and unable to take proper care of yourself.

Natural selection does that on purpose for the primitive society it was meant for. But it didn’t envision our modern world in which we are less likely to see the person again anytime soon.

The Right View in Freelancing

How does all this discussion on the right view relate to freelancing? As a freelancer, I not only have to cope with the anxiety around constantly needing to drum up business and keep up with my own projects at the same time, but I also have to cope with the isolation that contributes to my anxiety.

When I do venture out of my cave, er, office, I have to think about what I’m going to wear besides my usual yoga pants and whether I should listen to music instead of be more open to the world around me.

All this is worsened by my understanding that others will see me, and I have to interact politely. They’ll all be looking at me! Should I even bother?

The right view is to realize, though, that they are not all looking at me. The right view is also understanding that worrying about what others think of me contributes to the delusion that they even care at all.

They may notice my yoga pants and that I’m listening to music. However, my concern that they really give a hoot about that is evolution ensuring that I keep the peace in the community.

Sure, if one were to flip a neighbor off or go out wearing symbols of hate speech, the peace will certainly be disrupted. But that extreme is rare when I consider what I normally see from day to day. And those are certainly not actions I would ever consider taking anyway!

The Right View in Life

The right view is also seeing the other people going about their lives planting flowers, cleaning out their garage, and heading off to work.

A small single cloud in a big blue sky with tree tops in the foreground — One lonely cloud one day

It’s seeing the birds flying overhead, the lizards darting on the sidewalk, the clouds moving across the blue, and even the incessant leaf blower across the street (also don’t forget the person managing that contraption).

The right view is also the smell of freshly cut grass, the promise of coming rain, the scent of sunblock on my skin, and even dog poo. It’s the honking of cranes, purring of my cat, buzzing of cicadas, and screaming of car alarms.

All of these exist at once, before me and all of us. It’s with us as we cope with everyday anxiety and the business of running a business.

Thus, getting wrapped up in the specifics may hold us back from the lovely whole outside and all around us. The inner worries were put there by natural selection to keep us in check, but we can free ourselves by remembering to take the right view by looking up and all around every once in a while.

Thanks for joining me on this first meander!